It has been 3 long years and I almost forgot what love is. How does it feel to love and what is the pain you got in saying goodbye. I left Philippines because I was heartbroken. I fell in love and it suddenly it dies. It is like a flare with bursting flame at first and ends up like a stream of water that flooded my heart with pain.
September 2006, when I transferred to a new company and found the one that I thought was the right person for me. Have been friends since that time and started to grow ponder and ponder. Never thought that it will end and never expect that it will happen. Every moment with him is unexplainably happy, no sad moments and never knows what the meaning of sadness. We are working in same company and same team – so what I expect? – We became closer to each other and bestfriend inside the team. Throwing jokes, making fun and treasuring every moment. I never feel sadness; I never had bad times and never thought that it will end.
February 2008, we meet at the grounds of the company we are working with and we both have a great smile. He greets me with an ever glowing smile and I do the same. And he said to me that he will give something for me to review. Yes, we are at work that time already and of course what I thought is that he will be giving me something about work. So we go upstairs to start the night (we are working in night shift) of long work. In the middle of that night he approach me with a rolled paper in his hand, tapped my shoulders and said, “Joe could you please check if my correspondence is right?” And yes I know it was a draft, so I did open the rolled paper, ran through the message and I was shocked, HE WISH TO HAVE AN IMMEDIATE RESIGNATION. To be honest, I want to shout that time and throw a punch on his face. My best friend saw me that my face is red and she approaches me asking why. She can sense what happens. (My bestfriend Chai knows everything about me and she is my dearest sister as I treat her). I tried to be calm and make myself easy and well poised as we are in public place (work floor). I just recommend some notes and things to improve his correspondence. I write it in the way like a secretary does and that’s it.
Lunch time (actually it is midnight since we are working at night), I go with my bestfriend to the restaurant and I did not talk anything about him and even my bestfriend did not talk anything about him. Silence for the whole meal session. Until he came and said “why you just left without me?” Cha answered and I did not make any noise. My bestfriend left us inside the restaurant and we talk. (I don’t like to remember the things in saying goodbye.) He said he will be going back to where he belongs and will be leaving March of that year. And I said, Is it over? And he said YES. I just stand up as if nothing happens. I filed for a leave that night and stayed in my room for 2 days. My bestfriend called me many times checking if I am ok. I told her that I am fine and am good. I changed my shift for me not to see him. But one time he waited for me and approached me in my office and invited me for a party. I know it will be his birthday. So I did say yes in a frantic way for him to go out of my office. He knows my attitude at work and outside of office.
At his birthday, everybody was there and enjoying while I just sat down and watch the guests of his party. I tried to be ok and fine and tried to look happy for his birthday but I can’t. I drink a lot until I got drunk. Then as I can remember he said that he will be leaving in 2 weeks time. So he invited the people again for his despidida party and of course I am one of them. Nothing happens in his birthday. It was as cold as ice and freezing like winter in North Pole. No more talks, no more grins and winks and smile.
Despidida party, I was there. I helped him prepare to leave, my friends were there. We cook and we sing until the time that he needs to left. The time he will leave he asks me to join him in the car going to the airport and I said no I will just join my friends in the other car. So the travel begun. We reached the airport right on time that he has few minutes before boarding. He approached me and had a sweet friendly kiss on the cheeks and a tight hug. For the last time I whispered the word I LOVE YOU and Goodbye. I cannot hide it, my tears fell down and I immediately took a taxi going home. I never had a second glance at him. It was my most sad goodbyes.
I cannot really forget him. What I have done is, I packed all the things he gave to me and throw it away. Even his favorite gift that he have given to me. I did put any reason for me to remember him. But as time goes by, he is still in my heart and he always makes me cry.
June 2008, I have heard that he came back from other country. But that time I was eager already that I will be going out of the country to forget him. I have received already the job offer. He invited me for a party again. I did join in so casual way. And I approached him like I just meet him that time saying. “Hi am Joe, pleased to meet you.” He was shocked but he got the meaning of what I have done. He insisted that time to talk to me. We go for a walk. I was so calmed and keeping myself in poise. I have told him that if he can left me like a rug I can forget him like an empty can and I will be leaving the country soon and when he comes back, I will not be there anymore.
I saw sadness in his face, but I need to forget him. We said goodbye and everyone departed going to each nest to rest. I did my way home still in pain and I get a good sick leave to recollect myself into one. I have cried a lot and stayed in my home for 2 weeks. I did not accept any friend. I close my mobile phones and unplug my land line phone. (I stay alone in my apartment). My sister came and checked me and I just answered am OK and they know me that I can handle everything in proper way. 2 weeks is over and I need to go back to work.
Back to work and it is July. The first step inside the company building, the guards told me that I look so thin and unwell. I told them am ok. Then I entered my office and started to do the job but every time I pass by his previous office I still remember him and I cannot forget him in my heart. I finally decided to work abroad. My friend told me that he is still in Philippines that time processing his papers for his job. I waited for one more week and I signed the contract to work here in KSA. I continue to work and waited for further notification.
Mid of August 2008, I got my VISA and undergone procedures to leave the country for good and to forget. September 2008, it was the birthday celebration of Zachy – the son of our Manager. I was so happy to see this kid. He is so cute and cuddly. Party had started and I never expect for late guests, and here he comes. He comes with a kid also I know the kid his nephew. He approached me and as usual, the hug is there. And he has the ego to ask me “How are you?” and I say. I should be fine. In the middle of the party our manager has informed everybody that I filed for resignation for good. Everybody was shocked and everybody is asking why. Mommy – as we call our manager- gave me the floor to explain. I told the team that I will be leaving them with bleeding heart. That they are my family already, that they are the only people that can make me happy and I regret to leave but I need too. And lastly I told them that I need to leave to FORGET. He bow his head down, I don’t know if he is ashamed or what. I saw my bestfriend Chai has flaring eyes of anger to him. As my lonely tear fell down. I said goodbye to all. The company did not let me go until I show to them the ticket going to KSA. They say that I should stay since I am one of the good team player of the company and I told them that I need to go for something and not that I do not like the company. Again my sad face was shown in HR office of our company. The Manager of HR told me that I can comeback anytime I like. That makes me happy.
September 17, 2008 is my last night at work. Everybody goes to my office and give me a hug, a kiss, a tap on the shoulder and somebody even give me something that will make me remember them. My trainees even gave a flow of tears. That is how they love me in the company. The best thing that I receive that day was 3 orchids with his name and note. And I throw it immediately into the trash. So I say goodbye that night and my flight is in the afternoon of September 18, 2008. Until then, I did remove him in my mind and trying to remove him in my heart. It is like heaven and hell combined. I am happy that I made a way to forget but I am sad because I loved and forget.
