DOES LOVE REALLY ENDS

DOES LOVE REALLY ENDS?

We always say, “I am done, I will forget it”. The we cry, we stumble and sometimes it is a fall of our life. This time you don’t know where to end. We think that this is the end of our life. But we start to face the truth that we are here with a mission. We stand up and face the truth. We struggle and fight the truth that the love that we have planted was gone. But is it really gone? Is it really over? Will you treat that as a history of your life. Love will always be there, it may fade but it will not be lost completely for sure.

When we say love, it is very broad. It maybe parental love, brotherhood, friendship or even intimate love. Let us focus on a mutual love of a man and a woman or even a man to a man as a homosexual. We had our first, second, third, fifth or until we had our marriage. But every love that we have encountered have we forget those people? I think no. And I am sure that we did not forget them. If we fall in love we put a space in our heart for that person and inculcate in our mind and we cannot forget him or her. We think, we dream and even spend a time for him or her. So it is not true that it ends. We say that first love never end. That’s true. If it is real love, the person that we first love is the one that is so fortunate that captures our heart. We can never forget that person that is for sure.

I would like to share something about my first love. Let us use the word HIM for pointing to the person I do love for the first time. I did fell in love with him for the first time I saw him in my job. He is witty enough and smart. Philosophical but true. I cannot compare his smartness and composure to any other people inside the office. I do not look for physical attributes for a person because what I want is the ability to think and how smart he maybe. In that case I did fell in love with him. Until the time that we loved each other and stayed for almost a year and a half or almost 2 years. We have time for each other, we understand each other and we make it a point that we talk about us to make the things go smoothly. Until the time that he needs to go back to his country for future studies. I cry, my life was empty and I cannot do anything. I say that it was the end of my life. But it wasn’t. So I am here in Saudi Arabia to continue my life and forget him. And you may say, “did I forget him?” I will say NO. I just put away myself to the places that I may remember him. I just take a chance to move on. I just make a point that I live my life as it should be. But really I am not able to forget him. Now that I have my second love, I set him as my standard. He is my measuring device. If somebody can be in his place or almost like him then it will be a good person for me. He is in my mind when somebody wishes to capture my heart and I tell that person that you should have this and I will be like this to you. It is not a condition but it is a measurement of what I can give and what he can give to me. My second love is much more than what my first has. But because of the standard that was set of my first love I was able to get a better man for me. So in that view I cannot forget him yet, He may fade in my heart but still he has space in my heart.

In some ways they say that the love that they have given was gone already. IS this really true? Because they feel guilty of what they have done. They feel angry to what happened. They feel insecure to the one that replaced you in his heart. That’s why they say that their love for him or her was gone. But still is it really gone? You will not be angry, insecure, jealous, guilty if you are not in love with him or her still. You will not feel that way if that person has no space in your heart. If that person has no space in your heart then why will you be angry, why will you jealous, guilty and why will you think of that person? That is some questions that we need to answer to clarify if your love was gone already or it has ended.

Sometimes we say that we already forget that person and what is lefty in our heart is the scar of love. So what does it mean to have a scar. That means that the wounds of broken heart was engraved still and that scar represents the space of that person in your heart. It just needs a fire to start the spark of love again to that person. Scar represents the love that we have planted but it was not watered enough to grow. The scar represents the seeds of love that we have grown and was propagated to a certain period of time. That means that if the seeds will be watered again with a very precious love of the person it will grow again. Or if somebody will fulfill the seeds of love and let it grow again but the seeds was propagated of your first love. First, second or the nth love that we have overcome and the heartaches that we felt because of love, we cannot still forget them. They can set as the standard of a new love or they can be a measuring device for our next love.

In clarity, love does not ends. It just fades to a very pale colour waiting to another person to give it a wonderful rainbow color again. We cannot forget people we loved. We cannot say that our love to them ends already. Scar of love I there. The color just fades and the seeds that you and him has propagated is still waiting for new love. LOVE NEVER ENDS. LOVE IS EVERYWHERE It just needs a good heart to make it meaningful. Just keep loving because we can make people happy and we will be remembered.

joe

IT'S NOW OR NEVER

IF NOT NOW, THEN WHEN?


Most of the time we are disregarding something to tell to somebody because we are shy, feared, in doubt or we are not in the mood to tell. But then have you ever thought when the right time to tell is?

I accept, that I always in that same place to tell something. I cannot tell most of the time because I am shy to share. I am feared that something may happen if you expressed or tell that thing to your friend, family, or buddy, but I always remember what my Dad told me; “If not now, then when?”

This happened to me twice and I accept that I have learned from that lesson. The first instance that it happens to me is that when I first fell in love with my best friend. I just keep in my heart that I love him; I just show it some manners to show that I care for him. I am there to comfort him in times of troubles and downs and I am his best friend also in return. He never knew that I have a feeling for him and I never told him also since I am shy and in doubt that he may reject my feeling. I am in that part of fear of rejection. In that case I never told him about my feeling. I kept in inside of my heart. I kept it as precious just like a priceless gemstone. Days, weeks, months and years passed by and my love go strong. Until the time that we worked together in the same company. He sits beside me and sometimes I sit beside him. We make jokes, we go to parties, I visits him in his apartment with my other friends and most of the time he is the one inviting for a party (I don’t invite him even on my birthday hahahah). For 2 years in the same company he told me that he will be going out of the country and I was the very first one to know. I ignore it until he told my best friend (lady) about what he is planning to do. 3 months passed and the issue was gone. He is still working and we are happy to be friends. One mid month he called me and shows his resignation letter and I asked why and he answered that he told me already why. So I got what he meant. He asked me if the resignation letter is alright and reasonable so I read it and told him that he needs to be precise for the reason of leaving the company. So he edited his resignation letter “on my computer” since he brought his USB and the file was saved there. As I observed he put there that he will be leaving because he has a Job offer in Dubai and it is urgent. In that case I remember what my Dad told me “If not now, then when?” He left the following week and I stayed in pain and sorrow. My heart was broken into pieces and I cannot mend it. I wrote so many poems for him and post it in my blog that he usually visits and I am hoping that he will understand what I am feeling. And I think that he do and he stopped the communication with us. I was not able to say I love Him and I am late to know that he cannot love me for what I am and now I am leaving in pain. If I just told him before maybe my heart was already mended and I am happy that I know he cannot love me.

The second time was when my Dad died. I was then working far away from my family. Living alone and thinking only about me. I never tell my Dad that I love him as he is a good man and he can understand it. We never in our family spit out the word “I love you Mom, Dad, or brother or sister” we just go through as a human being like we don’t have heart. My Dad had a Hypoglycemia illness and it was found and traced by the doctors very late and the doctors concluded how many days he will leave. Not even months. Since I was working in a big company I cannot leave immediately due to the responsibility that my job covers. I need to transfer the entire job to the person relieving my position for the meantime and it take 2 weeks for the transfer. The very end of turn over that very same day Sunday at 3 PM my Mom called me and my dad died at that time. I was not able to care for him. I was not able to even say “I love you Dad” wherein I have lot of time to say that. It will never take 10 seconds to whisper it in his ears or to say it over the phone, but still I was not able to say it. My Dad is a man with Golden words. He will not hurt you, but he will give you a puzzle to know what to do and for you to learn. I was not able to remember what he said and I was very late. I came home to our province but I was not able to see my dad alive to say that wonderful words. I was able to see my Dad inside the coffin not breathing and cold. I know that I was not on the right time to say that words since he cannot hear it. But I shouted that I love him so much. Sorry for me that my words will not be heard by my Dad. He is dead; he is as cold as ice. Even I cry out loud and say that beautiful word a thousand times he will not hear it. Even I shout up to the top of my lungs and top of my voice he will hear it. Even I hug him so tight and show to him how I love him, he will not feel it. It takes years until I was able to accept that my dad is gone, he is dead. I left our home in pain and almost cursing myself. I just promised to him even he is inside the coffin that in return of being a good father to us, I will stand as the father of the family and I am doing it until the end of my life.
We always say “Maybe tomorrow is the right time, maybe he will be on the right mood tomorrow and so I can tell him”. Do you know when the right time is? Do you know that time is running and everything is changing? He may be good today and you don’t know it. He may be on the mood to listen today or the next day. You may be able to see him today and tomorrow he is gone. We do not know the right time but we know that we are late. If we tell him right there and then, then he will know it wether he is on the mood or not, wether he is angry or not. What is the right thing that we have done is we informed him and we are able to give him the information. He may be here today but he may be gone tomorrow and we will say that we are late. “If not now then when?”

MY SECRET OF HAPPY LIFE

I AM WHO I AM

I can always say that I am enjoying life, the way I live, the way I love. I cannot compare to anything else how I am so happy with my life. I feel free; I can do whatever I want. That is because I am not hiding anything to anybody. This is me, this how I live and this how I will continue my life for better if not for the best. There are always ups and downs in your life and you may ask why? That is because God is trying to test you if you can handle everything in your hand to live. That is because environment is trying to test you if you can adjust on what is the reality. Remember that you are not the only one in your environment but still I am free. Just take note you are there in that area and you are alive because you have a purpose. You will not be there if you don’t have a purpose. Always remember that even a mushroom that sprouts around the field has its purpose, and so as you.

Here are some techniques why I enjoy life. (1) I accept who I am and I stand as me, the way I live, the way I walk, the way I talk and in every ways. I don’t hide anything. There was a word that my Dad told me “A bad and putrid odor, even you keep it 6 feet under the ground it will always be a bad smell that may spread anytime.” That means that even you are a professional keeper of bad secrets, time will come that it will be opened out. I am not saying that you cannot tell me your secrets, I am a good friend and a choosy friend but I can keep secrets that are considered as a secret and should not be out in the field like a bad smell, BUT that secret should not be bad enough to hurt anybody or anything around me. I keep secrets for the good of all. (2) Enjoy life. You may ask how to enjoy life? There are many ways to enjoy life. You can start it by just liking a food that you will not end eating until you see the plate empty, from that time you are enjoying your life. Basing from rule 1 you can enjoy life already. Just accept who you are, do what you think is right, make sure that you are not hurting anybody or stepping egos of people, then you are living in a healthy lifestyle. (3) Be contented on what you have. Take this word. “Make the most out of it.” If you know that you just have this such few sources, then make the most out of it. If you think you can improve it, then go ahead but be contented on what you have that very moment. Do not look for something that is impossible to get at that stage of your life because you cannot pick a fruit and eat it if it is not yet edible, It will be useless. Then if you are improving then share it, because that thing that you are trying to get is not just for you, you cannot improve alone, you cannot move a mountain by your bare hands and remember that you cannot walk properly if you have only one foot (sorry for the word; with all due respect to the impaired) that means you are not living alone. There is always somebody with you, if not a friend, it maybe your family or even always God. You may say that you are alone in the dark because you choose your life to be in the dark, and then look for the light. If you said that God gave you a burden and you cannot carry it, that’s impossible, try to read “Foot Prints in The Sand”. You are not given a challenge if God knows you cannot make it. That is where you need to improve yourself. Just be contented of your life, get what you have and share what you can share. That is the Golden rule. (4) LOVE. No one can explain love because it is a feeling that is unexplainable. It broad enough that it can rule peace, it can rule humanity, and it can rule everything. Love is the highest form of feeling. If you lost love, you will cry or even die. If you have love and you are sharing it, you cannot say that you are not happy of the outcome. The fruit of love is unexplainable. The highest of feeling, the highest form of care and everything. If you love, you are happy, and if they love they are also happy and if you and I share love, we will be both happy. Weird isn’t it but true. Because you will only be happy of your life if you are in love. Everything is ruled by love. Anything can be ruled by love. You cannot measure love, and you cannot measure happiness. This the way I live.

This is me, I am not hiding anything, and I am not stepping egos of anybody because I am just human and always am a human. I am here because I have a role to be done. I live because I love, and I am cared and contented of what I have. This is me and I love to live that’s why I am happy.